Pleasure Raiders
Pickled Onion Space Raiders have always been my ‘binner’ snack of choice. Since as far back as I can remember, I have marveled in their low-end cheapness and the seemingly boundless unhealthiness contained in one tiny little bag. They are the cornerstone of ‘filthy’ snacks, always considerably more pickled oniony that Monster Munch, and more chemically addled than Amy Winehouse.
So, you can imagine my abhorrence when I, Space Raider fan #1, discovered that, unlike the pitiful whining crack whore, Space Raiders have cleaned up their act.
Look, less than 100 calories per pack, and there’s an ‘EAT HEALTHY’ slogan emblazoned across the back of the bag.
Eat healthy? What..? When I buy Space Raiders I don’t want to eat healthy, if I did, I’d have bought a carrot wouldn’t I?
It gets worse…
To my horror, upon opening the bag, I made an even more shocking, nefarious discovery. Space Raiders have had their trademark ‘weapons grade’, tongue stripping flavor, removed. It’s just gone; like someone at the corn snack factory forgot (on purpose?), to add the acid. Nothing; bland, unpalatable nothing.
It’s a sodding nightmare I tell you. I’m shattered. I don’t know where to turn. If anyone knows of an old skool Raiders dealer, I’ll pay top dollar.
It be calling me man, it be calling me.
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4 Responses to “Pleasure Raiders”
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I share your utter dismay at this cruel and morally unjustifiable turn of events, if the Pope wasn’t such a tit he would add ‘messing around with lovely crisp formula’s’ as a mortal sin. but he is a tit and should therefore stick his head in a bin of acid, so much better a world would we then live in.
I think we escalate it upstairs, the man is clearly a halfwit, he’s gonna be no use.
What is worse is that a day will come when you have FORGOTTEN THE TASTE - I certainly can no longer remember how wonderful Smoky Bacon Walkers tasted before they were re-imagined into potato crisp shaped Frazzles. Bastards.
livid.