Terror Pusher
I don’t read the Metro, it’s makes me angry*. Because it’s free, it’s got little actual value. Therefore, it has to work very hard at convincing people (like me) that it’s worth picking up and reading – so it can sell more advertising space.
It attempts to do that by it’s ludicrous headlines (see above), celebrity clap trap and lightly veiled neo-conservative supremacism.
What do you mean, ‘addicted to terror’? I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure ‘terror addiction’ is a little sensationalist. How exactly does someone become addicted to terror? Is it because of a predisposition to evil, or do I need to go score, and then shoot, up some ‘Class A’ terror from a terror peddeler?
Hang on a minute, isn’t that you Metro?
*Please note: I am not addicted to anger.
Remote Buddy
This delightful ‘Remote Buddy’ stores up to four remote controls and features a cup holder for a tasty beverage. It also has some color coded buttons that allegedly help you locate lost remotes, apparently you simply push the button to signal the missing item. Which is great, just as long as all your remotes have built in alerts or vibration..?
DNArt
“DNA 11 is the original creator of DNA Portraits-the world’s most personal form of art. We have propelled an entire industry with unique artwork based on genetic codes.”
How do you check it’s yours..?
Brainstorms Suck
“Over the years, I’ve had to endure more brainstorms than I care to remember. In my opinion, they are a waste of employee time and company money and anyone who suggests having one should be banished to live with the lepers beyond the city gates.”
Mr Briss don’t like ‘em and here’s why.
I tend to agree.
Dance Vader
WTF..?
Ultra Lazy
If you find the act of squeezing the trigger on a spray bottle to be too arduous a task, then get a motorized spray bottle.
Frailster
Jive is a range of ‘devices’ that you can buy for your grandparents. Apparently acting much like a ‘social network’, these products are seemingly responsible for keeping old people up to date, and enabling them to stay in touch with you.
Lucky them. How thoughtful of you to buy them some irrelevant technology, rather than actually popping round or phoning them up.
You selfish bastard.
Exciting?
Like f@*k it is. Now tell us the truth.
Stiffler: Like It Is
Lee ‘Stiffler’ Stickler is our systems dude. He has many talents, not least of which is concise commentary on digital properties; like this frankly brilliant analysis of a new Time Machiner email service (above).
I love that they sell this on it being futuristic like I’ll be some sort of time lord!
Nobbers
Spot on.
Creatives?
If you did either of these pieces of work, and you call yourself ‘creative’; then I’ll fight you. You are about as creative as my arse.
Stealing a good idea does not make you good.
And you wonder why you’re struggling to survive…
rubbish
Church Of Disc
This really made me laugh this morning.
These Russian men are so heavily into CD-ROM’s, that they have a private religious group worshiping CD’s (of course they renounce DVD’s in any form as a heresy).
Love [Paranoia] Detect
“LoveDetect is a unique voice analysis service that determines how your date feels about you, just by talking with them on the phone.”
Oh yes.
Once you’re done with the said call, stay on the line and Love Detect will give you a live ‘Love Score’, or you can login and get a detailed web based report. If your ‘date’ doesn’t love you, then you can go round their house and brutally hack them to death.
You insecure freakoid.
F1diot
It apparently took German Michael Arndt six years and almost 5 grand to built a full scale McLaren-Mercedes F1 car in his kitchen. To finish the wooden vehicle he used 956,000 matchsticks and 1,686 tubes of glue.
What an absolute divvy.
Special Investigative Team Spam
This is an interesting/strange spam/comment based item that I received this morning. It’s weird because it doesn’t really ask for anything..?
Is it a cry for help? Perhaps there’ll be a follow up…
Dear,
I’m a korean living in seoul.(name: Oh Minseok) Korean special investigative team are investigating samsung corporation.
But they do not work right.
I am suspicious to be bought off. samsung corporation has many crimes. And the team investigates samsung corporation. It contains korean companies samsung,huyndai,sk CEOs’ illegal issuing stocks or bonds. The quantity are plenty. (Three company CEOs did(and are doing) many crimes to me. Many koreans are knowing it. But many koreans are bought off by illegal issuing stocks or bonds.) The team are knowing it.
Korean special investigative team must investigate this.
But they are trying to conceal it. I ask for asking for this criminal investigation to prosecutors in any country. And help the shareholders and me.
P.S)Three companies are hacking me and trying to kill me. And are suspicious to use my name and email illegally.If you receive another message that I dictated above are not true, it is not from me, but from three companies. The things I dictated above are true.
Don’t forget to tune in next week for another unmissable installment of Korean Special Investigative Team.
iPhone T12 SpeechTool
MixMeister DJ scratch tool for iPhone apparently enables you to perform a ‘scratch’ anywhere, anytime and right on top of any song from your iTunes. Given that the majority of iPhone owners are 30 something balding wannabe DJ’s, I guess this app is gonna be fairly popular. Who knows, it could even be the ‘middle age’ equivalent of 2 step on a teenagers mobile at the station.
I hope so, it would be well funny – who’s not gonna look like a c@*t when they start scratching on their iPhone.
I’m a self-facilitating media node. Yeah?