Monster Munch
You can imagine my sheer delight as I stumbled upon a bag of new/old Monster Munch at the weekend. If you haven’t been made aware yet, Walkers have decided to return Monster Munch to their original format. Before you start getting all worried, this is in no way just a simple re-brand, these are the real deal original Monster Munch (including a near perfect ’70s ingredients list - minus the mega-nasties obviously). And believe you me, they taste EXACTLY how they used to back in the day. And on top of that, they are totally back to their original size.
Neat. Let’s hope they bring the ad’s back too.
Following the Space Raider sham, this is a bold statement of intent from snack producers world wide.
Sub-flavours: Roast Beef, Pickled Onion and Flamin’ Hot. Nutritional basics: 196 kcal, 10.0g fat, 23.6g carbs, 0.7g fibre, 0.26g sodium per 40g serving.
BaconMaid
We can learn a lot from Wake n’ Bacon.
Just think about it…
The Wake n’ Bacon wakes you up with the delicious scent of bacon. No loud alarm noises, no brutal interruption, just the aroma of delicious hot pork.
When someone explains it to you, like that, you think: I want that.
Wake n’ Bacon is a big idea. A big idea that doesn’t need another idea to sell it - it just needs a clear explanation. When a product is this good, another big idea will act as a diversion, obstructing the simplicity and strength of the Wake n’ Bacon message.
In this case, the product is the idea.
Cheesy Cockers
From Spain.
Jazz Apples
Like jazz mags, only apples.
Rsstroom Reader
Printing news feeds directly on your bog paper. Weirdly it also boasts an integrated “biometric” toilet seat that measures your weight, so it knows who your are and prints you the news that you want (what, like news about pies..?).
Super Nintattoo
Original 1989 Nintendo lick-on Tattoos, sent to me by my good friend Load$. What’s scary (yes even Nintendo can be scary), is that the bubble gum inside looked not a day older than when it fell off the production line, some 20 years ago. There was no air-tight seal and yet the gum hadn’t perished one bit. I was actually fairly tempted to eat it, but fortunately (depending on how you see it), I was warned off.
Would have been pretty ironic if I’d have been killed eating 20 year old Nintendo gum.
Brilliant and thank you.
Mmmmm Broiler Nuggets
Finnair served me this last week. After some investigation I discovered it to be boiled chicken. Obviously I couldn’t eat it because it made me want to sick up.
Mingin’
Pleasure Raiders
Pickled Onion Space Raiders have always been my ‘binner’ snack of choice. Since as far back as I can remember, I have marveled in their low-end cheapness and the seemingly boundless unhealthiness contained in one tiny little bag. They are the cornerstone of ‘filthy’ snacks, always considerably more pickled oniony that Monster Munch, and more chemically addled than Amy Winehouse.
So, you can imagine my abhorrence when I, Space Raider fan #1, discovered that, unlike the pitiful whining crack whore, Space Raiders have cleaned up their act.
Look, less than 100 calories per pack, and there’s an ‘EAT HEALTHY’ slogan emblazoned across the back of the bag.
Eat healthy? What..? When I buy Space Raiders I don’t want to eat healthy, if I did, I’d have bought a carrot wouldn’t I?
It gets worse…
To my horror, upon opening the bag, I made an even more shocking, nefarious discovery. Space Raiders have had their trademark ‘weapons grade’, tongue stripping flavor, removed. It’s just gone; like someone at the corn snack factory forgot (on purpose?), to add the acid. Nothing; bland, unpalatable nothing.
It’s a sodding nightmare I tell you. I’m shattered. I don’t know where to turn. If anyone knows of an old skool Raiders dealer, I’ll pay top dollar.
It be calling me man, it be calling me.
Refreshers
Are they ever going to get old?
Fast Food
The excellent Bjernies Fast Food Blog and site.
Car & Grill
Simply slot one of the open ends of the ‘Exhaust Burger’ into your exhaust pipe and then drive around to cook your delicious burger. I know what you’re thinking; but no, apparently the hot exhaust fumes just ‘warm up’ the metal around the burger (see above) and don’t actually flavor the meat.
So good, I’ve run out of puns.
Top Tea Tips
Brought to you by the Empire Tea Marketing Bureau
Chilli Bears
…auf der Site für Chili-Fans.
Power Up
Super Mario energy drink and Mushroom Sours.
Ham Drink
Ham, Christmas Tree, Egg Nog and Sugar Plum Soda.
Tops.
